Go Shorty, It's My Birthday

Subject: The Golden Januarys, Sunday January 17

Hello Friends! Hard to believe it, but it's that time of year again - it's time for The Golden Januarys! That's right, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has decided to hold its Golden Globe Awards on MY BIRTHDAY! What better way to honor Hollywood's tradition of self-aggrandizing than to throw a party for myself. So please come and celebrate me with me. We will be watching the other biggest show in town, of course. Information is as follows:

Date: Sunday, January 17

Time: 4:30 pm (The Golden Globes air live from 5-8:00 PST)

Place: My apartment!

Bring: an appetizer themed appropriately for the event, such as Brad Pitted Dates Wrapped in Kevin Bacon, or Chicken Little Satay. So many of you work in a creative field; now is your time to shine! Have fun with this one. I'll have the drinks and of course the Golden January Cake.

RSVP: by email, text or phone

Should the HFPA decide to properly honor the date and send a limo for me to attend the ceremony (they still haven't returned my calls, I don't know why) I will of course bow out and you can munch on (500) Days of Spinach Dip or whatever goodies abound in my absence. In light of the way this year's Cecil B. DeMille Award recipient Martin Scorcese ran screaming when he saw me in Beverly Hills the other day, I'm guessing I'll probably be viewing from home with you. But one never knows. I love ya, Marty.

xoxo January

16 Days, 6 States and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

When I booked my trip back in September I used frequent flier miles to make it possible. Normally 25,000 miles would buy a round trip continental flight. Alas, flying during peak times - Christmas and New Year's being as peak as it gets - means there either 1) are no frequent flier seats in existence, or 2) are none left, all of them having been snapped up last January by people who both make their holiday plans ridiculously early and finish their Christmas shopping on December 26. Never mind that the sweater Aunt Joy buys for her nephew Charlie is three sizes too small by the following December. The $3.74 price tag at Target makes it worthwhile. And snagging a cross-country ticket with only 25,000 miles despite the fact that Uncle Steve will be hit by a garbage truck backing up in the end of his driveway in April and won't be around to deck the halls come December doesn't matter at all. The $100 fee per ticket to change plans is an acceptable risk.

So when I booked my ticket, I had no choice but to use 50,000 to get the itinerary I wanted. The downside of that is obvious. The upside is, I get to fly First Class on my return. Yee haw. It's been snowing a lot in the Northeast and my friends wanted to leave plenty of time for our trek to Logan Airport so early we left... and early we arrived. Two full hours early. Checking in and getting through Security took... ten minutes. But by the grace of God and for the paltry sum of an extra 25,000 frequent flier miles, I have a First Class ticket and therefore am sitting right now in the Admiral's Club. But for the rugrats scrambling around me for an open computer (there are three others next to me), this rocks. Free weak coffee and supermarket cookies! I'm living large, baby! Of course, there is a chance this complimentary internet access may expire at any time. I would hate to be in the middle of a grand thought when my posting disappeared. So I'll keep this short and sweet. American Airlines, kindly keep the plane on the runway when we land in LA this evening. I've been hearing you're getting sloppy with that. And maitre'd, refill those cookies. I've got 24,500 miles more worth of them to eat.