Tuesday, November 29, 2011

We Are Family

As I've gotten older I've started referring to certain of my friends as my sisters.  "They're family," I'll explain when I'm describing them to someone else.  Our familiarity and shared history set them apart from newer friends, even those I clicked with instantly and fell in love with for life.  My family understands me and can often support me better than the family I arrived to via parental fertilization and a well-timed trip down the maternal canal.  You can't substitute anything for years of knowing each other.  Time marinates friendship until it's seasoned and robust.  Time is friendship's greatest friend.

There's a friend I've had since high school, one of many I've recently reconnected with.  We must be getting old because many of us are coming together now closer than we ever were in high school, cliques and social pecking orders long forgotten.  My friend Jack and I can trace our friendship to tenth grade marching band.  [Editor's note: January's reference of high school marching band in no way implies or should be construed as a statement that she was in marching band or in any way was or ever claimed to be a band geek.]  I'm pretty sure he was at my sweet sixteen, and I definitely remember his 18th birthday party - I met his cousin.  We ended up dating.  I was a dithering, hormonal idiot - but that's a discourse for another time.  Jack and I always flirted, but then, what guy didn't I flirt with?  See remark on hormones, above.  We lost touch some time after college and then reconnected at our ten year reunion.  He was married with a baby.  We were in touch for a bit but there was a nagging feeling in me that I couldn't give him what he wanted...  We never discussed it and lost touch again.

Facebook brought us back in touch a few years ago, and by this time he was divorced and living with his girlfriend.  He very enthusiastically picked up our friendship again and again I ended up putting distance between us, sensing he wanted something more and not feeling comfortable about it.  Living with your girlfriend is about as verboten as being married.  End of Friendship, Part II.

Our 20th reunion was held in August and again we reconnected.  He was still with the girlfriend though talked of it coming to an end.  It was good seeing him - he was one of many lovely connections I made that night.  We picked up our friendship again and started occasionally talking on the phone.  He broke up with his girlfriend and moved out on his own, as he'd spoken of.  I told him of blowing him off ten years earlier and apologized for it.  He told me he'd always had a crush on me, and I appreciated his honesty.  And I was flattered.  Our conversations took on more depth and frequency, and we've been texting and speaking every day.  It's nice.  Here's a man who knows me, likes me, and isn't trying to get into my pants [Editor's note: Yes he is.  But not before it's time, and not instead of getting to know January.  The way she figures it, by the time he is ready to get in her pants, she will have torn his off and thrown them out the window - so she's cool with his time frame].  We've made no promises to each other, and both of us have things to tend to in the immediate future that precede getting into a relationship.  But I've really been enjoying it.  Jack is like a brother to me.  Family.  But with this brother, we can kiss and stuff and not get that oogie feeling or be arrested for our affection.  All the dirty thoughts I can imagine are perfectly legal and welcome.  Pretty cool.

This Fall's been a bear with a lot of change and upheaval in my life.  But hanging with Jack, even on the phone, has been smooth and easy.  What a beautiful thing.

Friday, November 11, 2011


I awoke this morning at 4:27 so certain that my alarm was about to go off that upon seeing the clock I said "Oh, my!" in surprise.  Exhaustion hit me like a tidal wave last night and I collapsed into bed around ten.  I have no idea why I woke up so early, but I couldn't fall back to sleep so I went with it.  I checked my emails... turned on my lights... and got up and made a coffee (decaf, of course.  No sleepy head to be cleared).  I called my parents to wish them a happy anniversary.  I made my lunch.  And I'm about a half hour ahead of schedule for the shower.  Oh, to wake up like this every morning!  Most days it is a challenge to get out of bed.  My world in there is warm, stress-free and peaceful.  Working a full-time job as I have been has removed a bit of my daily excitement, though also removed some of my stress.  Having a paycheck is highly underrated.

This week I've been in school of sorts.  It's the School of Acceptance and I am in the thick of it, longing for summer break.  A sinus infection laid me up for several days, including Monday and Tuesday, so I missed work.  In my absence they got a temp (mind you, I am a temp of a full-time, long-term variety).  When I returned... they kept her.  And she kept my seat.  And my computer.  She is still there and is expected to stay through next week too.  And I?  I am wondering what the fuck.  At first I was panicky that they wanted to replace me.  But those insecurities were likely unfounded, as I have been treated warmly per usual and have continued to work as I regularly do.  Now it's just a matter of "what is going on?  Who is supposed to sit where?  Why do we have this other woman working with us?"  And to round out the picture, let me tell ya... she's a control freak and I hate being around control freaks.  So I've certainly got my assignment cut out for me.  I have no control over any of this anyway, so why not just go with it?  Right?

I'm working hard for the "A" here, people!  I don't even want an "A-", I won't settle for less than success.  It's going to drive me crazy if I have to endure this crappy experience and I don't glean anything from it.  In the very least, we deserve to benefit from our pain, don't you agree?

One foot in front of the next.  Time to wake up.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Like a Butter Knife

I'm having a dull moment. Just thought it best to get that out in the open right off the bat. I noticed my Twitter description ends in "Never a dull moment" and thought... well, yeah. Except these days.

These days I'm working full-time, just like I'd wanted. Granted, I'm a temp, not perm. But it's full-time and the money's decent and I work with great people – what more could a girl ask for, right? I'll tell you what: STIMULATION. Mind-blowing, neuron-stretching soul stimulation. I am in a very dull place in time. I'm actually rather calm about it, knowing this is a 'time between,' so to speak... but I wish it was otherwise.

I've been dreaming of returning to NYC. I spend slow time at work cruising the Brooklyn real estate websites. Turns out the rental market has increased in price since I left but the sales side of things hasn't that I can tell. Who knew? Just imagine if I had money equal in amount to what I owe to my credit card. I could practically make a down payment. Kooky! Instead I'm grateful for the job I have that is helping me pay down the debt, as frustrated as I can be by it in my day to day.

That's all I got for now. I do have some more run of the mill January adventures to share at some point, but I don't really have it in me right now to snarkily remark on the shock one experiences when hooking up with a guy one has known for 23 years, only to realize the faux fur throw he's got over his shoulders is actually... his shoulders. But perhaps one day soon I will.

As the Queen says, Ta Ta for now.

- January posted this using BlogPress from her mobile phone. Smartypants.