The Life of the Party

The drive took 6 hours including a lunch stop, two pee breaks and one near-accident.  And by near I mean, the invisible car on my left almost hit us when I went to change lanes at 80 miles an hour.  Not good.  Grateful how that turned out.  The adrenaline brought me as close to Hershey squirts as I've been since I was 20 months.

But finally we did arrive and were greeted in the driveway by three guys on their way to the supermarket.  They helped us carry in our bags and one of them made a disparaging remark about me having brought my laptop.  Hello, read books?  Write?  Use a laptop for anything more than porn?

OK, that last one was a hypocritical remark.  Let's strike it from the record.

So we arrived and put our bags in our room and then joined the guys outside.  All six of them, three of whom had last names that ended in o - Roberto, Carlo and Dino.  Yes, Dino.  They wore gold Jesus pieces and their longboard bathing suits hung low enough on their asses to show who worked out and who rocked the muffin top.  [Editor's note: No one rocks a muffin top.  No one.]

The activity d'apres-midi was drinking.  Suddenly, flashbacks to college came flooding over me: drinking games around the table at 2 on a Saturday afternoon.  Drinking games at 2 on a Saturday night.  Drinking games when we were bored, excited, sad and happy.  They were shot-gunning beers.  I remembered the first time I shot-gunned a whole beer.  I was in high school.  These guys had been at it all day.  Sorry... I thought this weekend was a bunch of professional guys getting together on the lake for the long holiday weekend?  I mesh well with professional guys.  They're smart, ambitious and don't generally chant "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!!!!" as commonly as a greeting.  This was a different breed of guy here at the lake house: The 30-Something Suspended Responsibility Guy.  This is a guy who gets a good job out of college and from 9-5 during the week gives off the appearance of a responsible, successful man.  On the weekend he reverts to the swill-chugging beer-ponging ways of his youth and he has no idea that this might be immature or a sign of delayed adolescence.  He hooks up with girls as much as he can and loses her number when she seems to like him too much. 

OK, again with the hypocritical remarks.  I may have hooked up with some of these guys once.  Or twice.  OK, maybe last week.  But not today, not tonight or this weekend.  I want more, remember?  I want it all, that's what I recall.  Not only that, but I've had more, so I know what it is that makes me happy and what I can have again:  Man.  Maturity.  Not so much on the alcohol.  Not really the life of the party.  Solid, caring and calm - that's the guy for me.  [Editor's note: January did not write "hot," but all she does during our daily pow wows is talk about hot guys.  He's hot, they're hot, look how hot that dude is.  Therefore, we respectfully amend January's list.]

You know you're full of shit when your editor calls you out on it publicly.  *sigh*

I'm sitting now on my bed.  "Eye of the Tiger" is pumping through the speakers in the house.  Apparently the 80's are an awesome decade if you were born in them.  I feel similarly about the 70's.  Bellbottoms rock!  Sitting by yourself in your bedroom during a party while the rest of the participants are hanging out on the back patio in their bathing suits, drinking, is a sure mark of anti-social behavior, but I don't care!  I stopped trying to be popular years ago and enjoy the peace of mind it brought me.  Living up to my own expectations feels great and also beats others' expectations.  I'm half tempted to just turn the light off and go to sleep...

However, Borat is here and damn it if I don't laugh when I just see him.  He and his cousin are guests this weekend.  I have no idea what his birth name is but he looks and sounds like Borat and he's even wearing the neon-green thong bathing suit that the guy wore in the film.  Plus they're Serbian so his accent is pretty spot on.  Anyway, if I miss a single pool trick this guy does in that neon-green bathing suit I will not forgive myself... Back to the party I go.  God I wish I still drank coffee.  With a bit more energy I might be the life of the party.