The More Things Change

Well, hello again. Funny seeing you here. Me, I haven't been around in ages. In fact I see the entire eleventh month of this year went by without so much as a peek-a-boo. You'll have to forgive me... see previous post (the one and only from the tenth month). Like the bruise I got at 11 when they tipped over my canoe for my water safety test at Girl Scout camp, I have healed but am still very sore. Unlike that bruise I am not black, green, blue or purple. So I'm grateful for small favors. But I still am resisting re-immersion into my life... not a good thing, truth be told. I've used far too many chocolate chips in an attempt to numb the hurt. I am here to tell you the results are very short-lived, but for the inches on my ass. I feel they're sticking around until I kick them out forcibly. However, enough amusing activity has arisen this past week that I felt the urge to write about it. I feel like a mental hospital patient on a daytime furlough: titillated yet sedated. Hmm, perhaps I should trade semi-sweet chocolate bits for little green and white pills. Food for thought.

I met a man of interest in the last couple of weeks and we went out this week. We met at a common activity and were drawn to each other right away. He has extremely strong energy. And I, I have mesmerizing eyes. [Editor's note: January's doctor has encouraged her to write as positively as possible, so please excuse any artistic excesses she may take.] Anywho, he and I hit it off and saw each other again a couple of times with the group. Then we ended up going out together alone... Um, it didn't start as a date but I felt certain by the time he stuck his tongue in my mouth that it was, in fact, a date. Or at least a demi-date. Yes, I think given the last-minute arranging of plans and my semi-reluctance to kiss or cuddle with him, demi-date may be a good term for it. He's intriguing, older, energetic, shares the same faith as me (a big bonus, believe it or not), and seems like such a great catch. Ah, but he's older. And, um, carrying about 30 extra pounds on him. Does that make me a bad person, being dis-attracted to a man with a belly? Oh, and the Fu Man Chu mustache has got to go. So... I think he does too. Only I was supposed to see him again tonight.

I bagged off. I'm too stressed already, I couldn't handle more this evening. This is why dating sucks so badly. Either 1) I don't meet men I like, or 2) I meet men I like but they don't like me or are unavailable, or 3) I meet a man I may like but by the time I figure out I don't like him, he's fallen head over hells for me and is difficult to cut off. I hate hurting feelings. Breaking up with a guy is almost always as bad for me as it is for him.

I am seriously considering online dating or joining a convent. There has got to be a better way than this rotating assembly of side show attractions. Where are the single mid-to-late 30's men with minimal baggage, strong faith and no bellies???

Oh Lord. Where are those little chocolate pills.