35 Special

My back's been pretty jacked up the last few days. One month my bed felt amazing, the next month it felt like a 15 year old replica of a medieval torture device. Memory Foam Mattress Topper Spiked With Nails or something like that. So this afternoon I did something almost entirely unprecedented; I got myself a massage. I can count on one hand how many times in my life I've had a professional massage and I don't remember the last time I did. It falls under the category of personal extravagance to me (oh, how I wish it rested under holistic health maintenance instead) so I rarely do it. That'll tell you how bad my back feels.

Granted, a chiropractor might be the more successful treatment route, but I can't afford to see one. I have driven by the sign for "$35 Hour Thai Massage (early bird special)" several times and went for it. For that price, it was worth trying.

Did you know Thai massage means they're going to walk on your back? I didn't. My first tip on this was when I walked into the private massage area and the mattress was on the floor. The parallel bars suspended from high on near and far walls confirmed it. Fortunately my masseuse, Wendy (or was it Windy? It was impossible to tell!) was a rather petite Thai woman.

I got pushed, poked, prodded, rolled, stretched and yes, stepped all over. I have yet to receive a professional massage that didn't hurt at some point, and I've come to learn that it's always worth it in the end. Today though, I'm not sure... My back is still killing me in the same spot. And once I did wince as she poked God knows what pressure point on the bottom of my foot. Windy Wendy had me wondering why it weally, weally hurt. Later she did something I'm certain a more skittish person who happened to peek at just the right moment would have screamed from; she had me on my back, legs folded in a fetal position, and I'm pretty sure she was straddling me, pressing down on my hamstrings with her body. I can't be certain as I refused to open my eyes.

A sign on the wall in the massage area said "None Sexual".

I really hope Wendy meant her and not me. Me, I hold out hope.